Day 32

You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one; each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.” ~ Paulo Coelho

Today on my way into work I was thinking about how I do the exact same thing every day. I wake up at the same time, shower, and watch a little bit of the news, get on the train, walk in the same direction, etc., etc. It made me think about my daughter. When I would drive her to and from daycare, she would always want me to drive in different directions. I would turn down a different street, take the highway, and get off at different exits, just to give her something different to look at. At first it was very annoying, I really just wanted to get where I was going as quickly as possible. But then I started to do it automatically. I would get in the car and ask her what direction she wanted to go in and off we went. I was never late, the world didn’t come to an end, and I gave her an adventure. We would always see something new. She would see a funny colored house, a really cute dog, a new park; I found stores, new neighborhoods and spent some fun time with her.

Now, she’s all grown up and is still the adventurer, constantly moving in a different direction. I somehow went back to following the breadcrumbs back and forth to work. I realize I’m missing the miracles around me. Somehow, I’m letting every day slip into the next, into the next. So as I move into the next phase of my life, I’m going to take a different route, start looking up instead of down and pay attention to every day miracles.

Day 31

Ask ~ Believe ~ Receive

Three words that are intended to unlock the secret, which as most of the world now knows is the code name for the ‘law of attraction’.

For the past two years taped to my computer monitor at work, are the words Ask, Believe, Receive. I love those words. These words are full of hope, dreams and promises. It reminds me that everything I want/need is within reach…at least this is my belief. Now, sometimes I’m not so good at living this. Sometimes I’m doubtful that this works. I was reminded of this belief twice last night. “C’ and I were talking and she is also a believer in the “law of attraction”, and said that she was having some issues, and a hard time with this. I told her that I was considering writing my blog yesterday on one of our favorite quotes “Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want”. That quote is the law of attraction in full effect. Whatever you keep your focus on materializes. The law can’t decipher which are good or bad intentions it just gives us what we’re focused on. The other time I was reminded of this last night was in my nightly conversation with “E”. He was saying that he thought I was focusing on something I didn’t want, and he reminded me of my beliefs. Although I was not focusing on the negative, (at least I dont think so) these conversations made me think about the power of intention. Yesterday, I was thinking a lot about the “law of attraction” and it kept being presented to me in one way or another. It was my subconscious focus. I am using this lesson to remind myself that “what you resist persist”, and to continue to make a conscious effort to live in "light and love". This is one of the gifts I’ve given myself that I will gladly be taking with me into 50. So, do you like me feel that I should have been wearing a tie dyed t-shirt and my birkenstocks while I was writing this entry?

Day 31

"Love and Fear" 11x14, Pen and Ink, 1/08

In each moment I have a choice. Am I choosing Love or Fear?

"We get to choose between love and fear every day - every moment. That's all there is. EVERYTHING comes from one of those two things. And we get to choose. We are creatures of free will." ~ Sam Harris



How true is that? We get to choose between love and fear. It’s so easy to blame others for what’s wrong or right in our lives. It’s so easy to believe that there is so much beyond our control. Lately, I have consciously made a decision to choose love. I have decided to love all of the bumps, bruises and hugs that are given to me. I “try” not to worry what lies ahead. (Easier said than done) Every day I’m tested. Do I love or fear my impending birthday? Do I love or fear the possibility of a broken heart? Do I love or fear the fact that I could gain weight? I am now counting down the days until my birthday with the anticipation of child looking forward to Christmas. If my heart gets broken I choose to hold onto the memories of love that have made me a better person. I’ve mentioned in a previous blog that I am looking forward to showing off my curves in the “red dress”. So who cares if I gain a pound or two?


We all have the ability to reinvent ourselves as many times as we want to. The choices we have are endless. Isn’t that wonderful! I have to keep reminding myself that I have choices and then always try to choose wisely.

Day 30

Content - con•tent2   [kuhn-tent] –adjective  1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

I’m trying to decide if that’s a good or bad word. Content. It’s wonderful to feel satisfied. It’s great to feel that you have all that you want. The reverse could also be true. Content. No longer wanting more. Giving up… There are times when I have been content in the good way. I have been content with a meal, a shopping trip, the feeling of clean sheets. There are times when I have also been content in the bad way. I have not wanted more and settled. This is truly a case of words having power. The word content has just put a smile and a frown on my face when thinking of its intent. So, I think I will try on a new word or a version of the other.

Discontent - dis•con•tent  [dis-kuhn-tent] –adjective 1. not content; dissatisfied; discontented 2. a restless desire or craving for something one does not have.

I think this word feels better. Discontent. I think I was in full force discontent when I started this blog. I was not satisfied and had a restless desire to find the happiness in turning 50. Discontent has made me very happy. It’s given me the strength to question, examine and look for change in things that have kept me content. I won’t lose balance and go overboard and turn discontent into ornery or obnoxious. I will use it to shine and strive for the ultimate happiness, (although this is probably not possible to attain), the journey of discontent seems so much better than the settled of content.  So, which are you?

Day 29

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. ~ Pat Conroy

I'm at home today doing one of my favorite things, listening to my music past. This is the music that has shaped my world in one way or another. There's the music of my teen years, Dr. Buzzards Original Savannah Band (you gotta love that name). I actually quoted them just yesterday, "I'll be a fool for you, Oh girl, If that will get me over"...LOL. The Isley Brothers, the summer of 1973 I played one of their albums "Live it up" until the groves were worn. (Yes, it was an album. Does anyone else miss that scratchy prelude that the needle on album had before the song started). I have a million memories like that through the years. Saturday mornings and my father playing and singing along to Al Jarreau, Michael Franks and grooving to Earl Klugh and Miles Davis. My grandmother singing along to Nina Simone, Shirley Bassey and forgive her Tom Jones. My Granfather whisteling jazz, snapping his fingers and doing his version of the Bosa Nova. My Brother introduced me to Steely Dan, The Police and Billy Joel. My mother loved the Four tops. My brother performed "Ain't no woman like the one I got" in a elementary school talent show wearing a suede fringed vest and bell bottoms and won first prize. In my twenties I still loved Jazz, it made my friends and I feel set apart from the others and special. I did listen to and love contemporary music as well. In the 80's my cousin and I danced to and closed clubs to Diana Ross's "I'm coming out", Sylvester's "Mighty Real" and Rick James' "Superfreak". What great memories and bad hairdo's. How many times can I remember calling Bob Marley a "Prophet". In the 90's as a young mother I brought all of my music memories with me. These memories helped me survive countless hours of Barney singing "I love you". Throughout my life the one constant has been my collection of music. Its like me a little old and a little new. I love that I can hear a song and be transformed back to a time, a feeling, a mood. Music makes me feel young, in love, safe, happy and sad. I have a selection on my Ipod of songs that I listen to when my heart feels broken...guaranteed to make me cry...LOL. (It's all part of the wallowing process). All of my music has become the soundtrack of my life. I look forward to carrying them into the next phase of my life and adding to what is already a great mixed tape.

Day 26

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy it. ~Frank A. Clark



Just an observation or rather a question. Is there some database out there that sends your name out to all of the senior vendors as soon as you’re approaching 50? I mean I always got junk mail, sometimes it was something I really wanted…a subscription to a fashion magazine, discounts to a store I like, restaurant promotions, you know. I’ve even looked for some like carpet cleaning specials or apartment painters. Well, my junk mail has been replaced with things like (and I’m not kidding) a brochure for a Hoveround. You know them, the electric wheelchairs. In the ads there are people (of a certain age) at the Grand Canyon or poolside, looking so happy. Now, I do think it’s a great invention, everyone should be able to be mobile. But, does turning 50 mean that I should be considering buying one??? Should I get one just in case? I don’t know. Between that and the AARP applications…they are taking away my good mood. I keep throwing them away but they keep sending them. I mean if you know me at all you know I love a discount, but really….
I still plan on doing and being the same person that I am for as long as I can be. I’m doing a big enough job on myself without their help. So, I think it’s time for me to take a stand for all of the short skirt wearing, too much cleavage showing, sexy hottties (of a certain age) and say… Hell No! We won’t go‼….especially not in a Hoveround….

Day 25

"You just reminded me of what's really important in life, friends, and best friends." - Fried Green Tomatoes

Yesterday, as you know I wasn’t feeling like myself. I was dragging because of the cold thing and just dealing with some other annoying issues. What I thought would be a bad day turned out to be a really great day. My friends pulled me up and out of any mood I may have been in. I was given get well gifts. The gifs came in the form of tough conversation, a walk and a bite of a waffle. In the form of laughter that always feels like a hug from “D”. In the form of hearing from an old love now friend who always makes me feel at least ten years younger. It came from “J” and “M” listening and laughing at the absurd events. All of these things made me realize how important it is to have friends not matter how they get into your life or how much of your life they actually share; they all contribute to who I am.
I have a lot of friends that are scattered across the country and world for that matter. I told “G” last night that next year when I’m the big “5-0”, I wanted to start visiting all of them. I want to share some real face time with the people that mean so much to me but I never see. I also want to make more time for the people that are closer. This past summer I spent a few days with my brother and it was incredible. We laughed, ate too much and just did nothing and everything. That is exactly the experience I want to share. A friend said that we could be like Thelma and Louise without the ending…LOL. I love that! I want to be reckless, fearless and draw all of my friends in on my 50 year adventure. Wanna come????