Friday, August 27, 2010
Day 5
I continue to make lists. Lists of places to visit, things to do, things I should do. At the top of any list I make is always “lose weight”. I’ve probably started hundreds of diets some successful some not. It’s sort of become my hobby. I can look any food and very closely guesstimate calories, fat grams, carbs, and points. It’s a talent, what can I say... I think at fifty I will be more accepting of my “curves”. One of my favorite artists is Fernando Botero. (For those of you who don’t know him, Mr. Botero is a Columbian artist that has embraced the “puffy” form.) All of the men, women and children in his work are lovely full figured creatures…Ahhhhh… They are dancing the tango, shamelessly standing naked in front of a mirror, just living life. Ok…I’m going to share a crazy thing about me. My first visit to the Time Warner center in NY, I walked into the lobby and I saw what I can only describe as a pure vision of inspiration...a 20 foot bronze statue of a naked woman by Botero. I walked swiftly towards the statue and then just stood there for a minute…she was gorgeous. Just standing there so proud, naked and rubenesque. I walked around her and felt this familiar feeling as I looked at her full thighs and derriere...she was me. She was a more unashamed more bolder me, but me. She wasn’t the me that hasn’t looked at myself head on and naked in a mirror since I was 10. There it was everything that scared me everything that I loved standing there in public. I was jealous… I want to be as proud of my curves and fluffiness as this beauty. I think I secretly want to stand naked in public and have thousands of people love and admire me. (Shhhh...don’t tell anyone). I want to dance the tango, walk a tightrope and hoola hoop in central park…sigh. Whenever I visit “my” statue I always touch her for a second, it gives me strength, I leech onto her courage and for a second I’m her and my head is held high as I oversee the shops around me. So...on my 50th birthday I am going to boldly wear a red dress that shows off a little too much cleavage and hugs my curves.... and someone better take me out dancing or at least buy me a hoola hoop and take me to central park.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Day 4
Yesterday while browsing the isles of Barnes and Noble, I visited one of my favorite sections…travel. The first book that caught my eye was “1,000 places to visit before you die”.
I quickly flipped through the pages maybe too quickly because at first glance I hadn’t been anywhere and how am I going to get to 1,000 places before I die….???? So I slowly started again and thank god I started to see places that I’ve been. Before I closed the book I think I’d reached 10 of the 1,000 places. Now I really don’t think I’m going to make it to all of these places I’m not too excited about visiting Ballybunion golf club (not even sure where that is) or The covered souks of Aleppo, but there were many beaches, museums, monuments, islands, inns, restaurants, mountains that I would love to visit.
When I was married my husband brought a book for me “Atlas of dream Places”. I remember us looking through the book and deciding which places we would visit…unfortunately we never did visit any of those dream places….
The Atlas of dream Places is still one of my favorite books on a Sunday afternoon in bed surrounded by pillows and dreaming of all the possibilities….
Hopefully during the next half of my life I will get to increase my 10 of the 1,000 place to at least 100.
I think I’ve found a new list for my marble notebook…The 100 places I will visit before I die!
I quickly flipped through the pages maybe too quickly because at first glance I hadn’t been anywhere and how am I going to get to 1,000 places before I die….???? So I slowly started again and thank god I started to see places that I’ve been. Before I closed the book I think I’d reached 10 of the 1,000 places. Now I really don’t think I’m going to make it to all of these places I’m not too excited about visiting Ballybunion golf club (not even sure where that is) or The covered souks of Aleppo, but there were many beaches, museums, monuments, islands, inns, restaurants, mountains that I would love to visit.
When I was married my husband brought a book for me “Atlas of dream Places”. I remember us looking through the book and deciding which places we would visit…unfortunately we never did visit any of those dream places….
The Atlas of dream Places is still one of my favorite books on a Sunday afternoon in bed surrounded by pillows and dreaming of all the possibilities….
Hopefully during the next half of my life I will get to increase my 10 of the 1,000 place to at least 100.
I think I’ve found a new list for my marble notebook…The 100 places I will visit before I die!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Day 3
"We must participate relentlessly in the manifestation of our own blessings!" I read this somewhere and I think this what I am trying to do here. I am trying to manifest my blessings. I am creating joy where I thought I might not find it. I was thinking last night about the people that I have collected in my 49 year journey, not relatives but people that I've met along the way that have had an impact be it for a day or many years. What I've learned from them, how many have stood the test of time and how many really know me. I mean the “me” that would write this blog or be afraid that I haven’t really made any big accomplishments in my life. I think that most people would be lucky to have just one person that REALLY knows them. I'm lucky to have a person like this in my life....
We have cried, laughed until we cried, listened as we each made it through heart breaks, lost jobs, shared the joys of new loves and the disappointments of old one, window shopped, dreamed, grew, learned, taught, shared and have spent countless hours in starbucks sharing all of the above. This is the friendship along with others that I will call on to help me through to the end of the year.
We have cried, laughed until we cried, listened as we each made it through heart breaks, lost jobs, shared the joys of new loves and the disappointments of old one, window shopped, dreamed, grew, learned, taught, shared and have spent countless hours in starbucks sharing all of the above. This is the friendship along with others that I will call on to help me through to the end of the year.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day 2
132 days to go....
Last evening as I was in the safe secure cocoon of my bed letting the room fill with darkness and only the glow of my laptop to light my way...I happened to look down at my hands which I guess I never do (thanks to touch typing) and in the blue glow of my screen I saw what could only be described as OLD HANDS. Who's hands were these these wrinkled, veined and very scary hands at the end of my wrists??? I quickly turned on my light only to see that my hands had returned to their original state. Again I turned off the light and looked at my hands in the glow of the laptop and there they were again.... I then remembered a similarly scary experience. I'd gone for a facial and as part of the package a ultra violet type picture was taken of your face to show where the sun damage was and sort of give you a peek into the future. That was insane! I didn't want to know what my future held as far as age spots and wrinkles. So I guess last night was a peek into the future of my hands and it doesn't look good. So somewhere in my slumber last night I imagined that in 132 days the deterioration would start.
Today I’m remembering that growing up I had the hottest grandmother around. In her fifties she completely reinvented herself. She joined a local theater and became an actress, wrote articles for a local paper, did voice overs, wore hot pants and just did everything that made her happy. She ran head on into her fifty’s and didn’t take a break well into her seventies.
My grandmother passed away last year and I can only imagine her disappointment in my very silly behavior.
So how do I turn these thoughts around? I mean I'm using all of the potions and lotions available to ward off the evil effects of inevitable aging?
Well I have 132 days to figure it out....
Last evening as I was in the safe secure cocoon of my bed letting the room fill with darkness and only the glow of my laptop to light my way...I happened to look down at my hands which I guess I never do (thanks to touch typing) and in the blue glow of my screen I saw what could only be described as OLD HANDS. Who's hands were these these wrinkled, veined and very scary hands at the end of my wrists??? I quickly turned on my light only to see that my hands had returned to their original state. Again I turned off the light and looked at my hands in the glow of the laptop and there they were again.... I then remembered a similarly scary experience. I'd gone for a facial and as part of the package a ultra violet type picture was taken of your face to show where the sun damage was and sort of give you a peek into the future. That was insane! I didn't want to know what my future held as far as age spots and wrinkles. So I guess last night was a peek into the future of my hands and it doesn't look good. So somewhere in my slumber last night I imagined that in 132 days the deterioration would start.
Today I’m remembering that growing up I had the hottest grandmother around. In her fifties she completely reinvented herself. She joined a local theater and became an actress, wrote articles for a local paper, did voice overs, wore hot pants and just did everything that made her happy. She ran head on into her fifty’s and didn’t take a break well into her seventies.
My grandmother passed away last year and I can only imagine her disappointment in my very silly behavior.
So how do I turn these thoughts around? I mean I'm using all of the potions and lotions available to ward off the evil effects of inevitable aging?
Well I have 132 days to figure it out....
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