Day 22

“The more things change, the more they stay the same”

New me~~~~Old me

On Sunday morning as I lay on my couch, catching up by phone on the past week’s events with my BFF, I was overcome with that wonderful fall feeling that I love. The sky was dark, it was windy, and the leaves are still on the trees and making that wonderful sound in the wind. It’s time for sweaters, wool, “cashmere”, flannel, boots and the like, I L-O-V-E the fall…you think. Because, in my head one thought leads to another leads to another, etc., etc. I started thinking about my favorite sandals (strange I know). These sandals were my favorite purchase for the summer of 2010. They fed the part of me that’s little flashy and the part of me that really believes, had I been born ten years earlier I would have been stringing beads and living in Woodstock. The sandals are my silver Birkenstocks. This summer they walked me up and down the strip in Las Vegas (with my 20 year old), walked me through the Village and Soho, to Union Square Market, to the opening night of Sex and the City (where Manolo Blanhik’s were the shoe of choice), to the opening night of Eat, Pray, Love (where my earthy shoes fit right in), to lunches, dinners and pedicures. They have been my true companions for the past three months. When I slip my feet into them I know that they will never hurt, pinch or blister my feet. I wish that everything was that simple, I will I could look on the internet put my card number in and few days later a solution would arrive. I realized also this summer how much I’ve changed but stayed the same in the last twenty years. One day when I was cleaning out my closet what did I find but the ancestor to my now favorite shoes. There they were a tan leather pair of Birkenstocks in the exact same style. I brought them 18 years ago, and as I slipped them on I remembered trips to St. Pete Beach, Tyrone mall (pushing a stroller), Disneyworld, Bush Gardens and all of the places they’d walked me through with my growing daughter in hand. I wore them a few times but they really didn’t feel the same. ( I guess I’ve changed but the shoes had stayed the same.) I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of them, I’ll take them out and wear them every once in a while and remember. Now at 49, I am the same wannabe hippy with a touch of fashionista, it’s a good feeling to know that I have been true to myself in some ways over the years. So, if history repeats itself, 18 years or so from now I will buy a new pair and this time…they’ll be gold with rhinestones.

Day 19

Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny... Frank Outlaw


The quote above really speaks to me and the way I would like to think I live my life. I really believe that we are in control of our destiny. We create our world. I’ve created my world good or bad. I have a book that I have given out as a present to many people. I introduced a friend to this book about 10 or 12 years ago and we both have used it as a guide to becoming better... This mysterious book is The Four Agreements. It’s a great book (at least I think so). So today I was wondering if maybe just maybe I am a little pushy. You see, when I find something I love I have to share it, be it food or a life changing book. Am I like one of those people shoving menus or flyer in your hand as you navigate through the streets, trying not to catch their eyes? I hope not. Well, here I am a wealth of information some useless some helpful for the world to tap. I think going forward I will not be as presumptuous as to assume that charting your destiny is as important to everyone as it is to “C” and I. I think the next book I will give out will be a book of jokes, haiku’s or how to bone a chicken in five steps or less.

Day 18

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” ~Oprah Winfrey

This blog is all about finding a way to celebrate the big 5-0. I was speaking to a friend last night and he asked me what I was planning. He told me that all of his friends that are turning 50 were planning BIG things. I told him that I would keep him informed and include him in the celebration. After our conversation I thought about it and realized that although I want to mark the day in some way doing something big is really not my style. Maybe a small dinner with friends, maybe no dinner and just an evening of desserts, maybe a spa day with my friends, maybe a romantic dinner….. (Remember my blog day one… I want to wear a red dress). I think that whatever I decide I now realize that I have made this into a 133 day birthday. I will be celebrating my day and myself every day until January 4th. How fabulous is that? On the final day of my blog I should (god willing) have gained more insight into where I was, where I’m going and where I want to be. That is the ultimate celebration. The best gift I can give myself is to be happy and realize that I’ve done my best. Oh…and I will be wearing a red or at least a sexy dress…even if I’m just having cupcakes and champagne.

Day 17 (I know, I know I missed 4 days..don't judge...LOL)

“We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves” Joshua Loth Liebman


A friend that has been reading my blog said that he really likes it and that I should keep the humor in it. Humor seems to come naturally for me. I see the absurdity in most things and either have a running commentary in my head or share my thought with anyone willing to listen. I have a friend “D” and we have had running jokes for the past fifteen years. The words “white jumpsuit” will have us laughing until we’re gasping for air. There are a million triggers like that for us a lot funny and a lot heartfelt. With that said I head into this entry maybe without as much humor as I’ve had in the past. Lately I have been thinking about the things that trigger emotions in me. I have been looking back at my life as I plan for my “better” future, and in doing that I realized that I wear an invisible sash. A sash much like the ones worn by girl scouts. You know, the sash where they collect their merit badges for the world to see. Unlike a girl scout, my merit badges are not for, cooking, and sewing or community service. My sash is full of the badges of my mistakes. All my wrongs that I’ve deemed large or small, that I beat myself up about. Anyone that knows me would say that I am a good mother, good friend, good sister, daughter, listener, cook, girlfriend… Well, maybe almost everyone that knows me….LOL. So, because I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there are no mistakes only “learning opportunities”, I’ve decided to take off my sash of shame and forgive myself as I’ve done with others. I plan on heading into the next 50 years using the experiences (good and bad) as my rule book. This time when I wear my sash I will proudly display all of my badges the good and the bad and love everyone of them.


By the way, I was not successful over the weekend at staring into space blankly…..I thought of this idea while I was trying it out….

Day 12

“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out it’s all about timing.” Stacey Charter

I remember when I was younger (as I’m sure all of you can) how long it took for Christmas to get here. I really started thinking about it in September, and it just seemed as if it was never going to get here. Everything was like that. Whatever you were expecting took forever. Now in September if I think about Christmas I’m like “ONLY four months to go, YIKES!”.  I’ve already started wondering if I’ll get a tree this year and I sort of know some of the gifts I’ll be buying. Before I know it I’ll be scrambling and doing it all last minute because four months will have turned into four days. Has the concept of time really changed or maybe I just stopped living every day the way I did when I was younger. I’m always looking ahead to the next. The next day, weekend, conversation, Holiday, vacation. I stopped being present in the now. Someone very near and dear to my heart “E” says to me all the time that my mind never rests. He seems to have the unnerving ability to think of absolutely nothing at will. HOW DOES HE DO THAT??? I can’t remember a minute or a half minute in the past 25 years that I wasn’t thinking about something. (Well maybe when I was under anesthesia, but even then I was probably wondering if I was drooling). This is probably why I feel as if 50 is hurling at me at the speed of light. I have filled my head with a million thoughts of dread and fear. Thank goodness for blogs... Here, I’m getting a lot of things out of my head and into the heads of the few of you who are reading me (smile). So, I’m going to try a little experiment… Starting tomorrow for two days (luckily it will be the weekend) I will not wear a watch, I will find a time when I just stare out into space and think of nothing except the color on the wall and just live by the seat of my pants. If I’m correct this weekend will seem wonderfully endless. Hmmmmm…not sure that’s a good thing yet. See you Monday!

Day 11

“Prosperity is a way of living and thinking, and not just money or things. Poverty is a way of living and thinking, and not just a lack of money or things.” ~ Eric Butterworth


How often have I talked to my friend “C” about prosperity? Probably once a week. In fact this entry is inspired by her. You see we (C and I) like to think of ourselves as living  “as if”. As if we already have what we want, need and desire. You see we believe that we hold ourselves back by believing that things will not come to us. Now I am not talking about winning the lottery or hitting the jackpot in Vegas, but about having things fall into place.
Prosperity has come to me in so many ways. It’s in the tiny apartment that I share with my daughter; that I thought I would hate, but I love more and more every day. In my dear friend that listens to me endlessly prattle on about the drama that is me. In a new friend that offered when I told her I was going to “hell in a hand basket” to carry the basket… There are a million things that I will stop taking for granted and start realizing how rich and prosperous my life really is. Now I wonder if I live my life "as if " I’m 25 that will work????