How will I embrace turning fifty???? You see I have the fortune or misfortune of having a birthday that’s four days into the New Year. So I start out each year full of resolutions and dreams of becoming a better me at this new age in this New Year with twelve long months to do just that. At the beginning of this year unlike the others I could not muster up the strength to resolve to lose weight, read more, take up a hobby, become more organized or any of the hundreds of promises I’d made to myself for decades. All I could see was that I had twelve short months in which to make all the wrongs of my forties right and even if I could I would start 2012 with an AARP card. I couldn’t figure out a way to find the joy in turning fifty.
I’ve read and heard that thirties were the new twenties and forties were the new thirties but try as I might all I could remember hearing about fifty was that I would be ten years closer to sixty. So from January all my thoughts were about how I could trick myself into thinking something wonderful was about to happen, instead I was starting to feel older by the minute. I read articles that about pains that developed in your late forties and fifties and suddenly I was waking up with stiff joints, cramps in my hands, blurry vision and million other aliment that knew it was my time…the age had come. I successfully convinced myself that things would never be the same and that maybe just maybe it was time to start lying about my age.
During my thirties and forties I have to say that I have been quite unconcerned by my next birthday. When I turned thirty, also considered a milestone it passed without any tears or worry (possibly it was the distraction of a six month old baby). My fortieth birthday also slipped by without any consideration I was rediscovering myself. No longer tied to diapers, baby bottles and I was starting to date again and actually felt younger than I did in my twenties. I have spent the last seven years in a relationship that has made me ecstatic, happy, curious and sad; sometimes one at a time and other times all at once. So as I move closer to “the day” I will re-evaluate all relationships deciding if they can withstand fifty with me. So this will be my journey to fifty. I am 133 days away. I imagine I will have a lot of laughs, tears and discoveries. Hopefully someone besides me will find this entertaining :-)…..
