The Master said,
"At fifteen, I had my mind bent on learning.
At thirty, I stood firm.
At forty, I had no doubts.
At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven.
At sixty, my ear was an obedient organ for the reception of truth.
At seventy, I could follow what my heart desired, without transgressing what was right."
~Confucius
Day 133... 133 days ago I started writing my blog. I've had 133 days to explore my fears and find my excitement. What a wonderful journey this has been. A little over four months of exploring. What I now know is that 50 is no big deal, or at least no bigger deal than 20, 30 or 40. You can be great at any age. We limit ourselves by assuming that the world is perceiving us in one way or another, when in truth we design or lives, we live it. So, if there was any one thing that I will take away from this 133 day journey it is that I will really like myself at 50, 60, 70 and beyond. I hope that anyone that has read my blog found a way to celebrate and find the wonderful things about themselves. Maybe you found something about yourself that you somehow overlooked. I found that I've made a difference is many peoples lives. I'm a great mother, I've been a great friend, a great sister, a great daughter, a great girlfriend, cook, problem solver, I'm funny, creative, sarcastic, insightful, comforting....whew! I am not as one dimensional as I thought. (I wanna be my friend (smile).) So today as I celebrate my half century mark and close the chapter of my life that was this blog, I want to thank each and everyone that read this blog and/or commented, laughed and lifted me up. Tomorrow...day one of a new blog a new adventure. Will you join me?
XO
Michelle
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~ Carl Sandburg
Time moves quickly... It’s been 111 days since I started writing this blog. When I started it seemed that the end was so far away. I gave myself 134 days to write it all down. Looking back, I see how the days have flown by too quickly. All in all I’ve learned a lot about myself, where I was, where I am and where I’m going. Maybe you whoever you are have learned more about me than you ever wanted to know... I’ve been acknowledging being a grown up, which at any age is a shock. I don’t mean just turning 50, I mean being accountable for yourself and your happiness. The things I’ve allow to happen or the unkind things I’ve done to myself have come to light. Its amazing how things just creep up on you. Any action can become a habit without us knowing it. One day turns into the next then the next and before you know it seven years have passed in the blink of an eye. I realize, time has no respect for us... I recently happened upon a Salvator Dali exhibit , and was thrilled. It had some of my favorite pieces of art represented in bronze. I have always loved the “melting clocks”. I was reading the description of one of the pieces and it almost brought me to tears. It was describing the piece as a clock that had hands, numbers but none of the mechanisms that we use to set or wind clocks. Instead, it had what could be called a crown at the top. This piece represents the fact that we falsely think we can control time but time controls us and is actually king. That hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me think again how important it is to cherish every moment. To work towards doing what makes me happy. I think it’s important to spend as much time cherishing myself as I do others. I will spend every precious minute, ever conscious to spend time wisely. I bow to “King Time.”..and will not squander a second. Am I alone here? Let’s live EVERY minute to the best of our abilities. I'm trying.
"It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers." -Persian Proverb
It’s been a few weeks since my last blog and these are my sins… Well I really don’t have any new sins…same old ones just hanging around (smile). Life just seems to have gotten in the way and I have not been able to sit down and blog. I guess I can take this a good thing, I no longer run to my computer trying to get out the demons that had me afraid of turning fifty. I now have a million wonderful thoughts that I want to share with anyone willing to listen. I’ve recently been thinking about friends again and how you don’t immediately know why they’re in your life. I have friends that have taught me so much about myself. The older friends help me to remember who I was and still am. The newer ones help me to fine tune who I’ve become. Where would I be without you? Once again I am wrapped in memories of good times and warm feelings. I am so happy to have friends that have stood the test of time and continue hold a place in my life. I’m excited as well about new friends that are teaching me things and opening my life up to new views. I just read this, “The conventional wisdom is that good friendships enhance an individual's sense of happiness and overall well-being. But a number of solid studies support the notion that strong social supports improve a woman’s prospects for good health and longevity”. Well, if this study stands correct thanks to all of you I will be around for a very long time. So, I'm sending this as my open love letter to all of my friends…. Thank you for making me who I am and for helping me to become who I want to be. I will be here to support you in your journeys and always be here for you. XO
“There is no such thing as chance; and what seem to us merest accident springs from the deepest source of destiny.” ~ Friedrich von Schiller
I’ve often wondered about decisions that I’ve made. Turn left instead of right. Stay instead of go. Lie instead of truth. If you’re of the mind, like me, that every event in our life is predestined, then did I really make those decisions? Making any decision right or wrong would then mean that I did not have control. The universe somehow guided me to the inevitable outcome. I’m actually laughing as I write this. Am I trying to find a way to remove all guilt from any bad decision I’ve made. I can say this. The only time that I have regretted any decision that I’ve made was when I went against my first instinct. In my head, “Don’t go on that date”...I don’t listen and then he leaves me with the check or he leaves on the side of the road. “Don’t by those 3’ heels. You can’t walk in flats”…I don’t listen, wear them and trip stepping off the curb. Ok, these are silly examples but I’ve made some life changing decisions where I weighed instinct against impulse and impulse won. Those are the decisions I regret. I need to learn to trust myself. I need to listen to that “little voice” that never seems to fail me. I’ll be listening for that little voice the next time I pick Lotto numbers….obviously my impulses are not working.
“It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves.” ~ Andre Gide
I am in the mood for an adventure. Something that will take me away, even if just for a few hours. Ideally I would love the adventure to include a bungee jump off of a cliff head first into the Caribbean sea. Ok..that’s not going to happen. I need to see something I’ve never seen before. Taste some new exotic meal. Hear some heart pumping beats from a steal drum. Walk on a cobble stone street. You know what I mean. I feel stuck today. It’s that day for me to take the different route home. Who knows where this came from? Why today? Hmmmm? I think I've just been a worker bee lately..you know, no variation to my routien. So, today I will take that new route, turn up the music when I get home and make something terribly spicy for dinner. That’s where I’ll start. I need a mini vacation. A romantic dinner. A rollercoaster ride…I love them. I'm going to start building adventure into my life. Not wait for it to come to me but to run boldly, eyes wide open into adventure. This is exactly how I am facing my fear of turning the big 5-0. I am in 50’s face and daring it make me feel old. Now, I just have to figure out who’s butt I’m going to kick in my new blog….
“Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains...” ~Diane Ackerman
Yesterday I went perfume shopping. I wasn’t shopping around I went with one specific scent in mind. I wore this scent for at least ten years before I was lured away by advertisements and whiffs of passing friends and strangers. I tried out many fragrances trying to find my new”signature” scent. Trying to find a new, maybe more sophisticated me. Since my venture into sophisticated scents I have collected quite a few and never quite found the “one”. Then recently, I had a whiff of my favorite scent from one of those magazine scent samples and all of a sudden I was transported back in time. It was like a hug of memories. There are a million great memories tied to that scent. Too many to list. How did I abandon It.? There are times when I’ve smelled something that has transported me to another time or place. For instance, the smell of a pipe, (vanilla tobacco especially) will always remind me of my father. I have a lot of those, as I’m sure you do as well. In my quest to be something else I realized that I was losing something that made me, me. I’m learning it’s all about embracing who I am. I'm loving and learning who I am. I’m appreciating me... the total package. I am elated to be on this journey. Oh, and my favorite scent, how apropos is called “Happy”.
“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.” ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti
I consider myself a very good listener. I am usually able to recall conversations and site dates, times even outfits. “You were wearing the blue shirt on October the 10th, at 9pm when you said….” I pride myself on being able to make corrections on someone’s memory of an event with minute detail. Well, I don’t really think that’s what a good listener is. I have a great memory but am I really listening. Do I give my full attention or do I just pick out key elements to hold in my memory. What brings this to mind is that a friend of mine “DB” was able to repeat something I’d said and convey the emotions with which I expressed it? I was amazed. I realized that this person really heard me. (My other friend “C” and I know each other so well we have our own listening language so that doesn’t count….sorry C) I recently heard or read somewhere that when you listen to someone you need to be absolutely present and give them your full attention. (I thought I had been.) After they’ve finished you repeat what you think you heard to make sure you’re not putting your own spin on it.( I think I am a spin master) I believe a lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings I’ve suffered could be because I actually didn’t listen, or possibly the person I was speaking to was guilty of the same. Is it too much to give my undivided attention? Is that voice in my head, that’s waiting for my second to jump in, so loud that I’m not hearing? I am going to make a conscious effort to listen not just to memorize key points. I am publically apologizing to anyone I may not have heard and thought that I did. I will listen to you with my head and heart. I will be present. You will have my full attention. I will be exactly who I want you to be….
