Day 5

I continue to make lists. Lists of places to visit, things to do, things I should do. At the top of any list I make is always “lose weight”. I’ve probably started hundreds of diets some successful some not. It’s sort of become my hobby. I can look any food and very closely guesstimate calories, fat grams, carbs, and points. It’s a talent, what can I say... I think at fifty I will be more accepting of my “curves”. One of my favorite artists is Fernando Botero. (For those of you who don’t know him, Mr. Botero is a Columbian artist that has embraced the “puffy” form.) All of the men, women and children in his work are lovely full figured creatures…Ahhhhh… They are dancing the tango, shamelessly standing naked in front of a mirror, just living life. Ok…I’m going to share a crazy thing about me. My first visit to the Time Warner center in NY, I walked into the lobby and I saw what I can only describe as a pure vision of inspiration...a 20 foot bronze statue of a naked woman by Botero. I walked swiftly towards the statue and then just stood there for a minute…she was gorgeous. Just standing there so proud, naked and rubenesque. I walked around her and felt this familiar feeling as I looked at her full thighs and derriere...she was me.  She was a more unashamed more bolder me, but me. She wasn’t the me that hasn’t looked at myself head on and naked in a mirror since I was 10. There it was everything that scared me everything that I loved standing there in public. I was jealous… I want to be as proud of my curves and fluffiness as this beauty. I think I secretly want to stand naked in public and have thousands of people love and admire me. (Shhhh...don’t tell anyone). I want to dance the tango, walk a tightrope and hoola hoop in central park…sigh. Whenever I visit “my” statue I always touch her for a second, it gives me strength, I leech onto her courage and for a second I’m her and my head is held high as I oversee the shops around me. So...on my 50th birthday I am going to boldly wear a red dress that shows off a little too much cleavage and hugs my curves.... and someone better take me out dancing or at least buy me a hoola hoop and take me to central park.