Day 111

Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent.  Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~ Carl Sandburg

Time moves quickly... It’s been 111 days since I started writing this blog. When I started it seemed that the end was so far away. I gave myself 134 days to write it all down. Looking back, I see how the days have flown by too quickly. All in all I’ve learned a lot about myself, where I was, where I am and where I’m going. Maybe you whoever you are have learned more about me than you ever wanted to know... I’ve been acknowledging being a grown up, which at any age is a shock. I don’t mean just turning 50, I mean being accountable for yourself and your happiness. The things I’ve allow to happen or the unkind things I’ve done to myself have come to light. Its amazing how things just creep up on you. Any action can become a habit without us knowing it. One day turns into the next then the next and before you know it seven years have passed in the blink of an eye. I realize, time has no respect for us... I recently happened upon a Salvator Dali exhibit , and was thrilled.  It had some of my favorite pieces of art represented in bronze. I have always loved the “melting clocks”. I was reading the description of one of the pieces and it almost brought me to tears. It was describing the piece as a clock that had hands, numbers but none of the mechanisms that we use to set or wind clocks. Instead, it had what could be called a crown at the top. This piece represents the fact that we falsely think we can control time but time controls us and is actually king. That hit me like a ton of bricks. It made me think again how important it is to cherish every moment. To work towards doing what makes me happy. I think it’s important to spend as much time cherishing myself as I do others. I will spend every precious minute, ever conscious to spend time wisely. I bow to “King Time.”..and will not squander a second.  Am I alone here? Let’s live EVERY minute to the best of our abilities. I'm trying.

Day 92

"It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers." -Persian Proverb


It’s been a few weeks since my last blog and these are my sins… Well I really don’t have any new sins…same old ones just hanging around (smile). Life just seems to have gotten in the way and I have not been able to sit down and blog. I guess I can take this a good thing, I no longer run to my computer trying to get out the demons that had me afraid of turning fifty. I now have a million wonderful thoughts that I want to share with anyone willing to listen. I’ve recently been thinking about friends again and how you don’t immediately know why they’re in your life. I have friends that have taught me so much about myself. The older friends help me to remember who I was and still am. The newer ones help me to fine tune who I’ve become. Where would I be without you? Once again I am wrapped in memories of good times and warm feelings. I am so happy to have friends that have stood the test of time and continue hold a place in my life. I’m excited as well about new friends that are teaching me things and opening my life up to new views. I just read this, “The conventional wisdom is that good friendships enhance an individual's sense of happiness and overall well-being. But a number of solid studies support the notion that strong social supports improve a woman’s prospects for good health and longevity”. Well, if this study stands correct thanks to all of you I will be around for a very long time. So, I'm sending this as my open love letter to all of my friends…. Thank you for making me who I am and for helping me to become who I want to be. I will be here to support you in your journeys and always be here for you. XO

Day 74

“There is no such thing as chance; and what seem to us merest accident springs from the deepest source of destiny.” ~ Friedrich von Schiller


I’ve often wondered about decisions that I’ve made. Turn left instead of right. Stay instead of go. Lie instead of truth. If you’re of the mind, like me, that every event in our life is predestined, then did I really make those decisions? Making any decision right or wrong would then mean that I did not have control. The universe somehow guided me to the inevitable outcome. I’m actually laughing as I write this. Am I trying to find a way to remove all guilt from any bad decision I’ve made. I can say this. The only time that I have regretted any decision that I’ve made was when I went against my first instinct. In my head, “Don’t go on that date”...I don’t listen and then he leaves me with the check or he leaves on the side of the road. “Don’t by those 3’ heels. You can’t walk in flats”…I don’t listen, wear them and trip stepping off the curb. Ok, these are silly examples but I’ve made some life changing decisions where I weighed instinct against impulse and impulse won. Those are the decisions I regret. I need to learn to trust myself. I need to listen to that “little voice” that never seems to fail me. I’ll be listening for that little voice the next time I pick Lotto numbers….obviously my impulses are not working.

Day 72

“It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves.” ~ Andre Gide

I am in the mood for an adventure. Something that will take me away, even if just for a few hours. Ideally I would love the adventure to include a bungee jump off of a cliff head first into the Caribbean sea. Ok..that’s not going to happen. I need to see something I’ve never seen before. Taste some new exotic meal. Hear some heart pumping beats from a steal drum. Walk on a cobble stone street. You know what I mean. I feel stuck today. It’s that day for me to take the different route home. Who knows where this came from? Why today? Hmmmm? I think I've just been a worker bee lately..you know, no variation to my routien. So, today I will take that new route, turn up the music when I get home and make something terribly spicy for dinner. That’s where I’ll start. I need a mini vacation. A romantic dinner. A rollercoaster ride…I love them. I'm going to start building adventure into my life. Not wait for it to come to me but to run boldly, eyes wide open into adventure. This is exactly how I am facing my fear of turning the big 5-0. I am in 50’s face and daring it make me feel old. Now, I just have to figure out who’s butt I’m going to kick in my new blog….

Day 65

“Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains...” ~Diane Ackerman



Yesterday I went perfume shopping. I wasn’t shopping around I went with one specific scent in mind. I wore this scent for at least ten years before I was lured away by advertisements and whiffs of passing friends and strangers. I tried out many fragrances trying to find my new”signature” scent. Trying to find a new, maybe more sophisticated me. Since my venture into sophisticated scents I have collected quite a few and never quite found the “one”. Then recently, I had a whiff of my favorite scent from one of those magazine scent samples and all of a sudden I was transported back in time. It was like a hug of memories. There are a million great memories tied to that scent. Too many to list. How did I abandon It.? There are times when I’ve smelled something that has transported me to another time or place. For instance, the smell of a pipe, (vanilla tobacco especially) will always remind me of my father. I have a lot of those, as I’m sure you do as well. In my quest to be something else I realized that I was losing something that made me, me. I’m learning it’s all about embracing who I am. I'm loving and learning who I am. I’m appreciating me... the total package. I am elated to be on this journey. Oh, and my favorite scent, how apropos is called “Happy”.

Day 64

“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.” ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

I consider myself a very good listener. I am usually able to recall conversations and site dates, times even outfits. “You were wearing the blue shirt on October the 10th, at 9pm when you said….” I pride myself on being able to make corrections on someone’s memory of an event with minute detail. Well, I don’t really think that’s what a good listener is. I have a great memory but am I really listening. Do I give my full attention or do I just pick out key elements to hold in my memory. What brings this to mind is that a friend of mine “DB” was able to repeat something I’d said and convey the emotions with which I expressed it? I was amazed. I realized that this person really heard me. (My other friend “C” and I know each other so well we have our own listening language so that doesn’t count….sorry C) I recently heard or read somewhere that when you listen to someone you need to be absolutely present and give them your full attention. (I thought I had been.) After they’ve finished you repeat what you think you heard to make sure you’re not putting your own spin on it.( I think I am a spin master) I believe a lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings I’ve suffered could be because I actually didn’t listen, or possibly the person I was speaking to was guilty of the same. Is it too much to give my undivided attention? Is that voice in my head, that’s waiting for my second to jump in, so loud that I’m not hearing? I am going to make a conscious effort to listen not just to memorize key points. I am publically apologizing to anyone I may not have heard and thought that I did. I will listen to you with my head and heart. I will be present. You will have my full attention. I will be exactly who I want you to be….

Day 60

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” ~ Marcel Proust (French Novelist and Author, 1871-1922)


I’ve mentioned before my love of travel in a earlier blog. I want to see as much of the world as I can. I’m fascinated by peoples day to day lives, how they live, what they eat, all that "they" see as mundane thrills me. In Paris I ate crepes, shopped at Marks &  Spencer, and browsed antique shops and museums. In Jamaica I ate Jerk Pork, shopped at the craft market and climbed Dunns River and devoured the beach. I want to experience everything. The smells, the sights, the sounds. I don’t have to cross waters to experience any of this; it can be as close as a subway ride away. It can be as close as opening my eyes... I am actually starting to realize that lately my life has become a voyage. I am discovering the most exciting adventure….me. I am getting to know myself again and I'm feeling so comfortable sharing my discovery with the world at large. I think I stopped seeing myself as interesting. I let one day blend into the next, one year to the next. I stopped being my own adventure. It’s so easy to just accept and close your eyes. It’s easy to let your world turn gray. I’m starting to see my world in color once again. I’m starting to see what’s been there all along. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to celebrate myself and find as much fascination in me as I do on a distant voyage. I think I will hold off on renewing my passport…I’m my own adventure for now.

Day 59

“Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.” ~ Garrison Keillor


I’ve always considered myself a lucky person. I’ve never won lotto or a contest and the most I’ve won in Las Vegas was $50. Somehow, I have come to think of any setback as a way to take inventory, another way reason to make a list. Is luck getting what the other person has? Is luck having your wildest dreams come true? I don’t think so. Maybe real luck is learning to appreciate what we already have. Luck is appreciating the gifts that are given to us every day. Those gifts given without having asked for them. Seeing beyond the tangible to the place that is fulfilled by what we overlook… that’s real luck. Sometimes we keep expecting something big to happen and in doing that we stop seeing what’s right there. Our luck is our luck. It’s what makes us unique. It’s not what we read or see other people experiencing it’s what ” we” have, and being able to see that is what makes me feel lucky. I wouldn’t give up a minute of the past 49 years, or change my luck. Every second was filled with the luck that brought me here. I am consciously making the decision to see my luck and live it. I’ll still carry my lucky coins and maybe even purchase a rabbits foot, but all the luck I need I already have.

Day 57

If anyone has read even one my blogs you know I am a lover of quotes. I do so hope that one day something I say will be quoted as a pearl of wisdom :-). Yesterday while looking for a quote I found that there were just so many on the topic of "change" that I loved. I eventually picked one but couldn’t let go of these. Please accept this gift of quotes. I hope that they put a smile on your face, conjure a new thought or answer a question. I try to never forget that we already have all the answers that we need, sometimes we just need a jolt to find them. Quotes have done that for me from time to time, they've helped me find the pieces in my head.  Enjoy!!




Growth is a painful process.~Wilma Mankiller


Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives.~ Frederick F. Flack


Everything you now do is something you have chosen to do. Some people don't want to believe that. But if you're over age twenty-one, your life is what you're making of it. To change your life, you need to change your priorities.~ John C. Maxwell


Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~ Barack Obama


The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. ~ Carl Rogers


The most important thing to remember is this: To be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become.~ W. E. B. Du Bois


To change one's life, start immediately, do it flamboyantly, no exceptions. ~ William James


The future has a way of arriving unannounced. ~George Will


If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.~ Charles Kettering

Day 56

If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to become different yourself. ~ Norman Vincent Peale


I often find myself wishing for change. Hoping that miraculously something or someone would wave a magic wand and make whatever it is different. Writing this blog has made me see that I, without realizing it have become the change I’ve been looking for. I have opened up a can of thoughts that have forced me to either make changes or seek solutions. The changes have been both subtle and monumental. You see, I’ve changed, and without design my world has also changed. Everything has shifted. I’m being presented more choices. New choices that make old truths no longer relevant. I am seeing myself in a new light and being forced to make these changes. It’s funny how we see ourselves as victims of others circumstances, ourselves as powerless. This perception is untrue. We “are” able to make our own differences and changes. The universe has recognized that I am willfully making a change and has shifted my world. Feeling in control of your destiny is a powerful thing. I get to choose, who, what, when, where and how. I guess I’ve always had this super power; I’ve always been a super hero but never knew it. Maybe my hot red birthday dress will have the ability to change into a leather cat suit (smile). Now, the super powers will also have to work so only my "inner" sex symbol is showing in tight leather from head to toe. Hmmmm….

Day 53

“Where misunderstanding serves others as an advantage, one is helpless to make oneself understood” ~Lionel Trilling
mis•un•der•stand•ing  [mis-uhn-der-stan-ding] –noun

1. failure to understand correctly; mistake as to meaning or intent.
2. a disagreement or quarrel

I have found that it is very easy to be misunderstood. Your best intentions can sometimes seem to spin out of control when perceived negatively by another person. I have always been someone that wants to please all parties in any situation. This behavior has sometime been to my own detriment. It’s very true that “You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time”. For me this seems horrible...you mean “I can’t please everyone?” I think it’s important to realize that you can only do your best and you can’t be responsible for someone else’s best. I often find myself in the position of peace maker to my own drama, where I should just be a participant. I think I’ll have find my inner “mean girl” when it comes to standing my ground. (At least my perception of mean). I need to be a bully for my cause whatever it may be. I no longer take on the sole responsibility for misunderstandings…after all…who put me in charge of the world’s feelings. I affectionately pass the torch.

Day 46

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” ~ M. Scott Peck


I’ve been speaking with a friend this morning about finding answers. What happens, I find, is that when you’ve solved one mystery/problem another pops up. I use to constantly think, “Is this ever going to end?”, “Will I ever get past this?”and my all time favorite “Why me??” One day I realized that whatever catastrophic problem I thought I wouldn’t live through, I actually had. Now, I’m talking about the problems as small as, “Will my daughter ever get out of diapers?” or “Will he, he or he finally get it??” to much larger issues. Well, I think you get the point. Throughout my life I have had one hurdle or another, both large and small, which I’ve gotten over. They would encompassed my every thought, had me sick, shedding tears, making me doubt myself, my present, my future. That really sucks. So, now when I am faced with something that I’m sure I will never get through, I look back at the worst thing that’s ever happened to me and remember that without even realizing…one day I just got up, got myself dressed, did all the mundane things and it was no longer attached to me. I do admit that while going through whatever it is a broken heart, a disappointment or any other life altering event, it’s hard to just shake it off. I try to remember that I will survive and it will be behind me and it always works out. Unfortunately or fortunately it’s also safe to say that that without a doubt, waiting around the corner, there will be another mystery or challenge, looking to give me a shake, but now getting past them are my small victories.

Day 44

"The Mirror"

“We suffer primarily not from our vices or our weaknesses, but from our illusions. We are haunted, not by reality, but by those images we have put in their place.” ~ Daniel J. Boorstin


I think I have witnessed a modern day miracle. Now, I do use the word miracle loosely but….
While on one of my many visits to IKEA, I was browsing the furniture and came upon a mirror. Now to the untrained eye this may seem like your run of the mill floor mirror, but it’s magic. You see , when I look in this mirror I am really at least 10 lbs thinner, everything is in the right place, I look dam good….LOL. I must confess I’ve visited the mirror often. Now I know this sounds crazy and I didn’t believe it myself...how could this be? One day while clothes shopping I went into the dressing room with a few dresses and there it was the IKEA mirror. I tried on the dresses and they all looked fantastic‼ The dress that I chose was a vintage slip, with spaghetti straps and lace insets. What a beautiful dress! Well, when I got home and tried on this beautiful dress in my mirror, I was horrified. What the heck???? What was I wearing??? What was I thinking??? How did my twins fit into this dress a few hours ago? Is that MY butt??? It was the MIRROR. Needless to say I’ve never worn the dress. So how does this translate to everyday situations? I find myself looking at things through a “magic mirror”. Things that otherwise would not look as favorable I somehow can distort into what I want to see. I suppose this could be a good thing in some cases, like pretending that medicine tastes like “raspberry flavored vodka”…lol. The problem lies in distorting bad feelings into euphoria. How many times have I made lemons into lemon aide? From now on I will look at lemons as lemons and not swallow the poison and think it’s a cocktail. After all I’m not the magic mirror.

Day 43

“We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us” David Seamands


I have wonderful memories, as I’m sure we all do. Memories of being a child in Jamaica, of relatives, friends, loves, my daughter. These memories put smiles on my face and keep me connected to a past. I’ve now come to realize that there are also memories that keep you trapped in the past. These memories keep you stuck because you they prevent you from seeing present situations. It’s so easy to fool ourselves into believing that bad habits are memories. I am guilty of holding on to thing for longer than I should because I believe that if I’ve stored enough memories it must be a good thing. The truth is, is that all situations change and you have to be willing to change with them or at least recognize when the good memories are not being created.
I find change very difficult. I spend over a hundred dollars a month to store memories. When is it time to let go? When is it time to move on? I think this is not a question I will answer by January 4th…. I think I will try to be more aware and recognize sooner rather than later, when the party’s over. Besides all of this, I look forward to all of my wonderful memories that are being created daily. With any luck I will have to get a larger storage room.

Day 39

When I was a little girl my grandmother use to quote from this book “The Prophet” all the time. In fact, it was sort of her version of the cat in the hat… I grew up loving this book and I’ve always had a copy. I love sharing it with friends , so today when I am just not feeling too “Bloggy” I thought I would share a little with you. Have a great weekend!

Self-Knowledge

By Kahil Gibran

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
And he answered, saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

Day 38



When you visualize, then you materialize. If you've been there in the mind you'll go there in the body. - Dr Denis Waitley

I know I’ve mentioned my vision board in a previous blog or two, unfortunately it still sits behind my dresser very dusty. Although I am a firm believer of vision boards, somehow don’t seem to be able to pull it out an update my visions. Fortunately, since writing this blog I have been using a part of my brain with has been hibernating for a very long winter. Because of this awakening I am now my own vision board. I now carry my vision board in my head. My mental board is constantly being updated with visions of love, happiness, vacations and yes the Cartier bracelet. This has brought so much love and happiness into my life lately. These thoughts are what I keep in the forefront of my mind. I have found that I have reconnected with old friends without effort, have found new ways of expression with current friends and have met wonderful new friends. This has made me wonder, how much do we miss because we've forgotten how dream or believe that the unattainable is attainable? My daughter still believes and dreams and the age of twenty, still “knows” that she can do/be anything she wants. Why do we have to forgo that because of age? Of course dreams change with age but how wonderful to have them and to know that whatever we want we can still have. What this means to me is that I choose to be happy, I choose love, I choose the positive. We still have choices every day. I’m starting to make the right ones.

Day 37

"Run towards your fears. Embrace them. On the other side of your greatest fears lives your greatest life."



The statement above is the polar opposite of how I’ve treated my fears. I’d run from anything that I was afraid of. Or at least I did. Writing this blog was a huge fear because I would be exposing myself. It’s like having your diary posted on the bathroom wall. I was afraid that I would be opening myself up to criticism or worse laughs, talk about fear. But, in truth what I found out is that I could quite possibly have something to say. It feels good to know, that I might bring a smile, a new thought or maybe a laugh to the person reading it. I have to say, this is has been a wonderful journey. It makes me think of how many other wonderful things I’ve missed out on because of fear. How many times did I go in the other direction and miss a great experience. This has been a great lesson. This is an opportunity for me to become fearless to look ahead to “the other side” of my fear. The fear that I had about turning fifty has now turned into a wonderful life changing experience. I wonder how many other people are not staring down the monster and are missing out. Well, I am embracing the scary and standing up to my fears. I’m excited to think, that I am in the process of living my greatest life.

Day 36

My best yoga pose....LOL

“We do our best that we know how at the moment, and if it doesn't turn out, we modify it.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt quotes (American 32nd US President (1933-45)



What are the expectations I have for myself and am I meeting them? Sometimes I set my expectations too high. I look too far down the road and the goal become unattainable. Those are the times I give up. I quit the diet, stop knitting the ten foot scarf, hide all the equipment I brought to become a sushi chef or stop writing my memoirs. You see, I always expect I’ll be the best rather than realizing I’m doing my best. Celebrating the small hour to hour victories is all I can handle some days. This week I am learning to have compassion for myself. I’m realizing that doing my best at any moment is all I can expect. If you like me believe in the laws of cause and effect, you won’t do what you shouldn’t do. If you can do something you must do it to the best of your ability. This is the formula for being your best. I've read that being your best changes from day to day. Your best is different when you’re ill, tired, rested, happy or sad. So instead of beating myself up when my best changes, I’ll give myself a pass and be my best again in the next hour.



Day 35



If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~Dalai Lama




I like to think that I live my life in a very conscious way. I try my best not hurt anyone’s feelings, follow "most" of the rules, offer the larger piece of anything to the other person. I’m always concerned at how any and all of my actions affect the other person. I think you get the picture. I’ve made a career of not stepping on toes. Lately I’ve come to realize that while doing what is deemed “good girl behavior”, I’ve been not so good to myself. It’s dawned on me that treating me well would not mean that I had turned into a villain. How easy, I realize, it is to leave yourself out of your life. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there that without realizing it forget to add themselves to their “to do” lists. I know I have…and I’m the queen of lists. If ever there is a choice between doing for myself or someone else I always lose. I’ve decided to make an effort to add myself to the list. To, dare I say…do for me first or at least second. Somehow I think clocks won’t stop; the world will not stop rotating, just because I take the larger piece of pie. I think that people will start to see the change in me and probably wonder if maybe I have a new love…and they’ll be right…..me.

Day 32

You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one; each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle.” ~ Paulo Coelho

Today on my way into work I was thinking about how I do the exact same thing every day. I wake up at the same time, shower, and watch a little bit of the news, get on the train, walk in the same direction, etc., etc. It made me think about my daughter. When I would drive her to and from daycare, she would always want me to drive in different directions. I would turn down a different street, take the highway, and get off at different exits, just to give her something different to look at. At first it was very annoying, I really just wanted to get where I was going as quickly as possible. But then I started to do it automatically. I would get in the car and ask her what direction she wanted to go in and off we went. I was never late, the world didn’t come to an end, and I gave her an adventure. We would always see something new. She would see a funny colored house, a really cute dog, a new park; I found stores, new neighborhoods and spent some fun time with her.

Now, she’s all grown up and is still the adventurer, constantly moving in a different direction. I somehow went back to following the breadcrumbs back and forth to work. I realize I’m missing the miracles around me. Somehow, I’m letting every day slip into the next, into the next. So as I move into the next phase of my life, I’m going to take a different route, start looking up instead of down and pay attention to every day miracles.

Day 31

Ask ~ Believe ~ Receive

Three words that are intended to unlock the secret, which as most of the world now knows is the code name for the ‘law of attraction’.

For the past two years taped to my computer monitor at work, are the words Ask, Believe, Receive. I love those words. These words are full of hope, dreams and promises. It reminds me that everything I want/need is within reach…at least this is my belief. Now, sometimes I’m not so good at living this. Sometimes I’m doubtful that this works. I was reminded of this belief twice last night. “C’ and I were talking and she is also a believer in the “law of attraction”, and said that she was having some issues, and a hard time with this. I told her that I was considering writing my blog yesterday on one of our favorite quotes “Worrying is like praying for something you don’t want”. That quote is the law of attraction in full effect. Whatever you keep your focus on materializes. The law can’t decipher which are good or bad intentions it just gives us what we’re focused on. The other time I was reminded of this last night was in my nightly conversation with “E”. He was saying that he thought I was focusing on something I didn’t want, and he reminded me of my beliefs. Although I was not focusing on the negative, (at least I dont think so) these conversations made me think about the power of intention. Yesterday, I was thinking a lot about the “law of attraction” and it kept being presented to me in one way or another. It was my subconscious focus. I am using this lesson to remind myself that “what you resist persist”, and to continue to make a conscious effort to live in "light and love". This is one of the gifts I’ve given myself that I will gladly be taking with me into 50. So, do you like me feel that I should have been wearing a tie dyed t-shirt and my birkenstocks while I was writing this entry?

Day 31

"Love and Fear" 11x14, Pen and Ink, 1/08

In each moment I have a choice. Am I choosing Love or Fear?

"We get to choose between love and fear every day - every moment. That's all there is. EVERYTHING comes from one of those two things. And we get to choose. We are creatures of free will." ~ Sam Harris



How true is that? We get to choose between love and fear. It’s so easy to blame others for what’s wrong or right in our lives. It’s so easy to believe that there is so much beyond our control. Lately, I have consciously made a decision to choose love. I have decided to love all of the bumps, bruises and hugs that are given to me. I “try” not to worry what lies ahead. (Easier said than done) Every day I’m tested. Do I love or fear my impending birthday? Do I love or fear the possibility of a broken heart? Do I love or fear the fact that I could gain weight? I am now counting down the days until my birthday with the anticipation of child looking forward to Christmas. If my heart gets broken I choose to hold onto the memories of love that have made me a better person. I’ve mentioned in a previous blog that I am looking forward to showing off my curves in the “red dress”. So who cares if I gain a pound or two?


We all have the ability to reinvent ourselves as many times as we want to. The choices we have are endless. Isn’t that wonderful! I have to keep reminding myself that I have choices and then always try to choose wisely.

Day 30

Content - con•tent2   [kuhn-tent] –adjective  1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

I’m trying to decide if that’s a good or bad word. Content. It’s wonderful to feel satisfied. It’s great to feel that you have all that you want. The reverse could also be true. Content. No longer wanting more. Giving up… There are times when I have been content in the good way. I have been content with a meal, a shopping trip, the feeling of clean sheets. There are times when I have also been content in the bad way. I have not wanted more and settled. This is truly a case of words having power. The word content has just put a smile and a frown on my face when thinking of its intent. So, I think I will try on a new word or a version of the other.

Discontent - dis•con•tent  [dis-kuhn-tent] –adjective 1. not content; dissatisfied; discontented 2. a restless desire or craving for something one does not have.

I think this word feels better. Discontent. I think I was in full force discontent when I started this blog. I was not satisfied and had a restless desire to find the happiness in turning 50. Discontent has made me very happy. It’s given me the strength to question, examine and look for change in things that have kept me content. I won’t lose balance and go overboard and turn discontent into ornery or obnoxious. I will use it to shine and strive for the ultimate happiness, (although this is probably not possible to attain), the journey of discontent seems so much better than the settled of content.  So, which are you?

Day 29

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. ~ Pat Conroy

I'm at home today doing one of my favorite things, listening to my music past. This is the music that has shaped my world in one way or another. There's the music of my teen years, Dr. Buzzards Original Savannah Band (you gotta love that name). I actually quoted them just yesterday, "I'll be a fool for you, Oh girl, If that will get me over"...LOL. The Isley Brothers, the summer of 1973 I played one of their albums "Live it up" until the groves were worn. (Yes, it was an album. Does anyone else miss that scratchy prelude that the needle on album had before the song started). I have a million memories like that through the years. Saturday mornings and my father playing and singing along to Al Jarreau, Michael Franks and grooving to Earl Klugh and Miles Davis. My grandmother singing along to Nina Simone, Shirley Bassey and forgive her Tom Jones. My Granfather whisteling jazz, snapping his fingers and doing his version of the Bosa Nova. My Brother introduced me to Steely Dan, The Police and Billy Joel. My mother loved the Four tops. My brother performed "Ain't no woman like the one I got" in a elementary school talent show wearing a suede fringed vest and bell bottoms and won first prize. In my twenties I still loved Jazz, it made my friends and I feel set apart from the others and special. I did listen to and love contemporary music as well. In the 80's my cousin and I danced to and closed clubs to Diana Ross's "I'm coming out", Sylvester's "Mighty Real" and Rick James' "Superfreak". What great memories and bad hairdo's. How many times can I remember calling Bob Marley a "Prophet". In the 90's as a young mother I brought all of my music memories with me. These memories helped me survive countless hours of Barney singing "I love you". Throughout my life the one constant has been my collection of music. Its like me a little old and a little new. I love that I can hear a song and be transformed back to a time, a feeling, a mood. Music makes me feel young, in love, safe, happy and sad. I have a selection on my Ipod of songs that I listen to when my heart feels broken...guaranteed to make me cry...LOL. (It's all part of the wallowing process). All of my music has become the soundtrack of my life. I look forward to carrying them into the next phase of my life and adding to what is already a great mixed tape.

Day 26

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy it. ~Frank A. Clark



Just an observation or rather a question. Is there some database out there that sends your name out to all of the senior vendors as soon as you’re approaching 50? I mean I always got junk mail, sometimes it was something I really wanted…a subscription to a fashion magazine, discounts to a store I like, restaurant promotions, you know. I’ve even looked for some like carpet cleaning specials or apartment painters. Well, my junk mail has been replaced with things like (and I’m not kidding) a brochure for a Hoveround. You know them, the electric wheelchairs. In the ads there are people (of a certain age) at the Grand Canyon or poolside, looking so happy. Now, I do think it’s a great invention, everyone should be able to be mobile. But, does turning 50 mean that I should be considering buying one??? Should I get one just in case? I don’t know. Between that and the AARP applications…they are taking away my good mood. I keep throwing them away but they keep sending them. I mean if you know me at all you know I love a discount, but really….
I still plan on doing and being the same person that I am for as long as I can be. I’m doing a big enough job on myself without their help. So, I think it’s time for me to take a stand for all of the short skirt wearing, too much cleavage showing, sexy hottties (of a certain age) and say… Hell No! We won’t go‼….especially not in a Hoveround….

Day 25

"You just reminded me of what's really important in life, friends, and best friends." - Fried Green Tomatoes

Yesterday, as you know I wasn’t feeling like myself. I was dragging because of the cold thing and just dealing with some other annoying issues. What I thought would be a bad day turned out to be a really great day. My friends pulled me up and out of any mood I may have been in. I was given get well gifts. The gifs came in the form of tough conversation, a walk and a bite of a waffle. In the form of laughter that always feels like a hug from “D”. In the form of hearing from an old love now friend who always makes me feel at least ten years younger. It came from “J” and “M” listening and laughing at the absurd events. All of these things made me realize how important it is to have friends not matter how they get into your life or how much of your life they actually share; they all contribute to who I am.
I have a lot of friends that are scattered across the country and world for that matter. I told “G” last night that next year when I’m the big “5-0”, I wanted to start visiting all of them. I want to share some real face time with the people that mean so much to me but I never see. I also want to make more time for the people that are closer. This past summer I spent a few days with my brother and it was incredible. We laughed, ate too much and just did nothing and everything. That is exactly the experience I want to share. A friend said that we could be like Thelma and Louise without the ending…LOL. I love that! I want to be reckless, fearless and draw all of my friends in on my 50 year adventure. Wanna come????

Day 24

To avoid sickness eat less; to prolong life worry less. ~Chu Hui Weng

Today I am not feeling 100%. I think I’m coming down with a cold or something. I’m generally very healthy but a few times a winter I get these cold “threats”. The threats are all the early symptoms but never the cold…. So, today I’m not sure if I can muster up the banter or the jocularity that I love to share.


But let me share one life changing thought that came to me last night, as I lay there hoping I would feel better. There are some things that will be better left in my forties, this one in particular. You see, I’m the kind of person that doesn’t know how to turn someone away, even when you realize that they could be harmful to your sanity. I always think of the other person’s feelings and end up with the short end of the stick. Like getting a haircut that you know makes you look like an alien but you tell the stylist that you “love” it, or not sending back the steak that’s raw that should have been well done. Well no more. I will not be obnoxious, or scary yelling lady, but I will be polite, courteous, and get exactly what I want and send back exactly what I don’t want. I think I’m feeling better already…LOL.

Day 23

“You can’t find peace until you find all the pieces”

I have a blackberry, and although I have been told I don’t use it to its full capacity, it serves me well. I get calls, (my #1 priority for a phone), I can text, I get my emails from my numerous accounts and I can get onto the internet when I’m walking around town (not sure why I need to), oh, and I do use the camera on occasion. But my favorite feature is the capacity to write myself notes. I have restaurants that I want to try, E’s clothing sizes, quotes, events that I want to attend, things that catch my eye, to do lists, ideas that just pop into my head (and there are many), things that my daughter has me on the hunt for, the color lipstick I want to try, and on and on. It has replaced all the scraps of paper that I use to carry around or the million cute little notebooks that I’ve brought just for that purpose but when I need them they are in another handbag. My Blackberry is one way that I’ve made my life a little easier. In it today I found the quote above. I’m not sure where I heard it but I’m sure it moved me as much when I heard it the first time as it did today It has me thinking about peace and when do we actually have/find peace. I thought that peace was maybe having people not give me a hard time or having things go my way. Not so. I realize now that I can’t control anyone’s actions but my own and trying to will give me anything but peace. I have been working on finding the pieces for a while, making myself the best that I can be. I know that at the end of the day I can truly say that I’ve done my best. I do fall short sometimes but for the most part I realize that doing my best is far better that being the best. So, as I look for the pieces to complete the puzzle that is me, I hope not only to continue to find peace but to be a peaceful influence on others. After all, I do have the hippy sandals….

Day 22

“The more things change, the more they stay the same”

New me~~~~Old me

On Sunday morning as I lay on my couch, catching up by phone on the past week’s events with my BFF, I was overcome with that wonderful fall feeling that I love. The sky was dark, it was windy, and the leaves are still on the trees and making that wonderful sound in the wind. It’s time for sweaters, wool, “cashmere”, flannel, boots and the like, I L-O-V-E the fall…you think. Because, in my head one thought leads to another leads to another, etc., etc. I started thinking about my favorite sandals (strange I know). These sandals were my favorite purchase for the summer of 2010. They fed the part of me that’s little flashy and the part of me that really believes, had I been born ten years earlier I would have been stringing beads and living in Woodstock. The sandals are my silver Birkenstocks. This summer they walked me up and down the strip in Las Vegas (with my 20 year old), walked me through the Village and Soho, to Union Square Market, to the opening night of Sex and the City (where Manolo Blanhik’s were the shoe of choice), to the opening night of Eat, Pray, Love (where my earthy shoes fit right in), to lunches, dinners and pedicures. They have been my true companions for the past three months. When I slip my feet into them I know that they will never hurt, pinch or blister my feet. I wish that everything was that simple, I will I could look on the internet put my card number in and few days later a solution would arrive. I realized also this summer how much I’ve changed but stayed the same in the last twenty years. One day when I was cleaning out my closet what did I find but the ancestor to my now favorite shoes. There they were a tan leather pair of Birkenstocks in the exact same style. I brought them 18 years ago, and as I slipped them on I remembered trips to St. Pete Beach, Tyrone mall (pushing a stroller), Disneyworld, Bush Gardens and all of the places they’d walked me through with my growing daughter in hand. I wore them a few times but they really didn’t feel the same. ( I guess I’ve changed but the shoes had stayed the same.) I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of them, I’ll take them out and wear them every once in a while and remember. Now at 49, I am the same wannabe hippy with a touch of fashionista, it’s a good feeling to know that I have been true to myself in some ways over the years. So, if history repeats itself, 18 years or so from now I will buy a new pair and this time…they’ll be gold with rhinestones.

Day 19

Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny... Frank Outlaw


The quote above really speaks to me and the way I would like to think I live my life. I really believe that we are in control of our destiny. We create our world. I’ve created my world good or bad. I have a book that I have given out as a present to many people. I introduced a friend to this book about 10 or 12 years ago and we both have used it as a guide to becoming better... This mysterious book is The Four Agreements. It’s a great book (at least I think so). So today I was wondering if maybe just maybe I am a little pushy. You see, when I find something I love I have to share it, be it food or a life changing book. Am I like one of those people shoving menus or flyer in your hand as you navigate through the streets, trying not to catch their eyes? I hope not. Well, here I am a wealth of information some useless some helpful for the world to tap. I think going forward I will not be as presumptuous as to assume that charting your destiny is as important to everyone as it is to “C” and I. I think the next book I will give out will be a book of jokes, haiku’s or how to bone a chicken in five steps or less.

Day 18

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” ~Oprah Winfrey

This blog is all about finding a way to celebrate the big 5-0. I was speaking to a friend last night and he asked me what I was planning. He told me that all of his friends that are turning 50 were planning BIG things. I told him that I would keep him informed and include him in the celebration. After our conversation I thought about it and realized that although I want to mark the day in some way doing something big is really not my style. Maybe a small dinner with friends, maybe no dinner and just an evening of desserts, maybe a spa day with my friends, maybe a romantic dinner….. (Remember my blog day one… I want to wear a red dress). I think that whatever I decide I now realize that I have made this into a 133 day birthday. I will be celebrating my day and myself every day until January 4th. How fabulous is that? On the final day of my blog I should (god willing) have gained more insight into where I was, where I’m going and where I want to be. That is the ultimate celebration. The best gift I can give myself is to be happy and realize that I’ve done my best. Oh…and I will be wearing a red or at least a sexy dress…even if I’m just having cupcakes and champagne.

Day 17 (I know, I know I missed 4 days..don't judge...LOL)

“We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves” Joshua Loth Liebman


A friend that has been reading my blog said that he really likes it and that I should keep the humor in it. Humor seems to come naturally for me. I see the absurdity in most things and either have a running commentary in my head or share my thought with anyone willing to listen. I have a friend “D” and we have had running jokes for the past fifteen years. The words “white jumpsuit” will have us laughing until we’re gasping for air. There are a million triggers like that for us a lot funny and a lot heartfelt. With that said I head into this entry maybe without as much humor as I’ve had in the past. Lately I have been thinking about the things that trigger emotions in me. I have been looking back at my life as I plan for my “better” future, and in doing that I realized that I wear an invisible sash. A sash much like the ones worn by girl scouts. You know, the sash where they collect their merit badges for the world to see. Unlike a girl scout, my merit badges are not for, cooking, and sewing or community service. My sash is full of the badges of my mistakes. All my wrongs that I’ve deemed large or small, that I beat myself up about. Anyone that knows me would say that I am a good mother, good friend, good sister, daughter, listener, cook, girlfriend… Well, maybe almost everyone that knows me….LOL. So, because I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there are no mistakes only “learning opportunities”, I’ve decided to take off my sash of shame and forgive myself as I’ve done with others. I plan on heading into the next 50 years using the experiences (good and bad) as my rule book. This time when I wear my sash I will proudly display all of my badges the good and the bad and love everyone of them.


By the way, I was not successful over the weekend at staring into space blankly…..I thought of this idea while I was trying it out….

Day 12

“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out it’s all about timing.” Stacey Charter

I remember when I was younger (as I’m sure all of you can) how long it took for Christmas to get here. I really started thinking about it in September, and it just seemed as if it was never going to get here. Everything was like that. Whatever you were expecting took forever. Now in September if I think about Christmas I’m like “ONLY four months to go, YIKES!”.  I’ve already started wondering if I’ll get a tree this year and I sort of know some of the gifts I’ll be buying. Before I know it I’ll be scrambling and doing it all last minute because four months will have turned into four days. Has the concept of time really changed or maybe I just stopped living every day the way I did when I was younger. I’m always looking ahead to the next. The next day, weekend, conversation, Holiday, vacation. I stopped being present in the now. Someone very near and dear to my heart “E” says to me all the time that my mind never rests. He seems to have the unnerving ability to think of absolutely nothing at will. HOW DOES HE DO THAT??? I can’t remember a minute or a half minute in the past 25 years that I wasn’t thinking about something. (Well maybe when I was under anesthesia, but even then I was probably wondering if I was drooling). This is probably why I feel as if 50 is hurling at me at the speed of light. I have filled my head with a million thoughts of dread and fear. Thank goodness for blogs... Here, I’m getting a lot of things out of my head and into the heads of the few of you who are reading me (smile). So, I’m going to try a little experiment… Starting tomorrow for two days (luckily it will be the weekend) I will not wear a watch, I will find a time when I just stare out into space and think of nothing except the color on the wall and just live by the seat of my pants. If I’m correct this weekend will seem wonderfully endless. Hmmmmm…not sure that’s a good thing yet. See you Monday!

Day 11

“Prosperity is a way of living and thinking, and not just money or things. Poverty is a way of living and thinking, and not just a lack of money or things.” ~ Eric Butterworth


How often have I talked to my friend “C” about prosperity? Probably once a week. In fact this entry is inspired by her. You see we (C and I) like to think of ourselves as living  “as if”. As if we already have what we want, need and desire. You see we believe that we hold ourselves back by believing that things will not come to us. Now I am not talking about winning the lottery or hitting the jackpot in Vegas, but about having things fall into place.
Prosperity has come to me in so many ways. It’s in the tiny apartment that I share with my daughter; that I thought I would hate, but I love more and more every day. In my dear friend that listens to me endlessly prattle on about the drama that is me. In a new friend that offered when I told her I was going to “hell in a hand basket” to carry the basket… There are a million things that I will stop taking for granted and start realizing how rich and prosperous my life really is. Now I wonder if I live my life "as if " I’m 25 that will work????

I GIVE THANKS TO DIVINITY FOR ALL OF MY SUPPLY.

 THANKYOU. THANKYOU. THANKYOU.

Day 10

“It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project.” ~
Napoleon Hill (American author, 1883-1970)

Last night in my bedroom I’d dropped something and found myself on all fours searching to find it under
my bed. Ahhhh, under my bed…. The place where my dog hides her toys, where magazines and book escape my bed, storage for out of season clothes, the tool box my brother put together for me, and the place where old projects go to die….(wow! how much space do I have under my bed?) There I came across a bag that holds a quilt I’m making for my first nephew. I started it before he was born and imagined this quilt becoming his “Linus” blanket. Well, my nephew is 11 and into skateboard and the like and I can’t imagine that he would be too interested in a “blankie”, with a teddy bear quilted on it. I also have another quilt that I’m making for my bed. Laura Ashley sold the precut squares of her familiar patterned fabric to make your own quilts. I was as excited as I walked into the store on Madison Ave. color scheme in mind and ready to make a quilt that would be passed down through the years. I started that project over 20 years ago… It’s now the size of a placemat. I also have a scarf and a sweater waiting for my attention. I think I really just like the idea of having a “project”. I have finished some but there are much more projects in my under bed graveyard waiting for my attention. The quote that I chose today says it all for me, my life is my project. I keep trying to find a hobby, a craft, my “thing”. I think this blog is my thing and it found me. So, I want to say this to all of the other people out there looking for their “thing”…the minute you stop looking it finds you.

Day 9

“These are the tears ~~ The tears we shed ~~ This is the fear ~~ This is the dread ~~ These are the contents of my head” Annie Lennox


I was emailing with a friend today about regret and the feeling that you have not lived up to the expectations you had for yourself. I have a long list of things I always wanted to do, with sub categories, footnotes and pictures. I drive my daughter crazy with my lists and plans for the day. A trip to Woodbury Commons takes at least two weeks of preparation for me. First I write a list of everything I’m planning to buy. I print out a map of the outlet, then I strategically plan the most logical way to maneuver our way from store to store. We should start and end at the same point having made it to every store on the list and have a well timed lunch break. This is always the plan, but somehow we veer off the planned route and I never get half the things on my list but I always leave having had a great time, without regret and looking forward to the next trip. This should be my metaphor for how I look ahead at my life. Make plans, enjoy the journey, and be happy with whatever the outcome. I think that I like so many people think that if things don’t go exactly as planned we’ve failed or let ourselves down. Not so, I mean it’s all good, the ups the downs the entire journey. So as I look ahead I will plan to enjoy it all, the missteps, the joys, the misunderstandings, the experiences…without regret.

Days 6, 7 & 8 (There was a weekend in there ;-))

“Everything in the unconscious seeks outward manifestation, and the personality too desires to evolve out of its unconscious conditions and to experience itself as a whole.”


The word manifestation seems to be the word of the hour, day and month for me. I have two friends (we’ll call them “C & H”) and we always seem to talk about how we manifest both good and bad into our lives and how to get control of both. Recent events have reinforced my belief that the energies you put out there, will come back to you. These events have also reminded me of my “vision board”. (For anyone that is not familiar with vision boards, the idea behind this is that when you surround yourself with images of who you want to become, what you want to have, where you want to live, or where you want to vacation, your life changes to match those images and those desires) I keep my vision board in a very sacred place…the floor behind my dresser. You see when I first put it together I kept it on my dresser…it’s large about a 2’ square made of green foam core. One day my daughter asked me to hide it, she was having friends over and I guess the idea of my grade school art project displayed for the world to see would have just been too much. (How many macaroni faces and ink blots that were supposed to be dog’s, pieces of art work had I lived with on the refrigerator??? Hmmmmm??) Well, that’s how it found its home behind the dresser…I pull it out every once in a while “dust it off” and just look at it. Hmmmm...Why don’t I have the Cartier love bracelet yet or why haven’t I lounged on the teak chaise lounge looking out at the sunset, or manifested the $1, 000000 (thanks to the C for the $ bill), oh, and all the phrases evoking inner peace, harmony and just plain old good feelings….WHERE ARE THEY???? I mean I had my glue stick, magazines and good intentions all in a row and set out to make it all come true, so what happened??? (I think I might have even had a glass of wine and been listening to jazz while I was making it) I think what happened is that I missed the number one clue...it’s a “vision” board and I hadn’t given it much visual time. All of the things that I’ve manifested lately are things that have been on my mind constantly. I have subconsciously worked them into my life. This is blog I guess is my public, non dusty vision board where I am manifesting all the things that I want for my future. So please forgive me if I post random pictures of vacations, words of love, Crumbs cupcakes, and piles of money and of course the Cartier bracelet.

Day 5

I continue to make lists. Lists of places to visit, things to do, things I should do. At the top of any list I make is always “lose weight”. I’ve probably started hundreds of diets some successful some not. It’s sort of become my hobby. I can look any food and very closely guesstimate calories, fat grams, carbs, and points. It’s a talent, what can I say... I think at fifty I will be more accepting of my “curves”. One of my favorite artists is Fernando Botero. (For those of you who don’t know him, Mr. Botero is a Columbian artist that has embraced the “puffy” form.) All of the men, women and children in his work are lovely full figured creatures…Ahhhhh… They are dancing the tango, shamelessly standing naked in front of a mirror, just living life. Ok…I’m going to share a crazy thing about me. My first visit to the Time Warner center in NY, I walked into the lobby and I saw what I can only describe as a pure vision of inspiration...a 20 foot bronze statue of a naked woman by Botero. I walked swiftly towards the statue and then just stood there for a minute…she was gorgeous. Just standing there so proud, naked and rubenesque. I walked around her and felt this familiar feeling as I looked at her full thighs and derriere...she was me.  She was a more unashamed more bolder me, but me. She wasn’t the me that hasn’t looked at myself head on and naked in a mirror since I was 10. There it was everything that scared me everything that I loved standing there in public. I was jealous… I want to be as proud of my curves and fluffiness as this beauty. I think I secretly want to stand naked in public and have thousands of people love and admire me. (Shhhh...don’t tell anyone). I want to dance the tango, walk a tightrope and hoola hoop in central park…sigh. Whenever I visit “my” statue I always touch her for a second, it gives me strength, I leech onto her courage and for a second I’m her and my head is held high as I oversee the shops around me. So...on my 50th birthday I am going to boldly wear a red dress that shows off a little too much cleavage and hugs my curves.... and someone better take me out dancing or at least buy me a hoola hoop and take me to central park.